#OTR50 Day 175 to 237: Forgiving Myself

round brown wall clock
Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev on Pexels.com

I have not posted for 62 days. I know I needed a break as work sampled up at an exponential rate. However, that’s longer than I thought. The math doesn’t lie and that is a definitive struggle for me. 62 days is far too long. And once the days turn into weeks and turn into months, I fall into the trap of old. I have let inertia set in. Shame on me. However….

Forgiving Myself

I’ve stumbled and fallen flat on my face
struggled with entropy and angst
Lived words only in my mind
Their influence shrunk to a community of one

I could continue to allow my frustration with myself to grow and scale
…. or I can move on

I can forgive myself for this lapse
I can allow myself to accept
sometimes the balance is completely unbalanced

In the scale of work and life — I’m drowning
This is me taking a breadth of air
before I’m pulled back down into the deep

I’m stumbling and crawling back up into the light slowly and surely

I have to forgive myself my failures to reach it
Only then can I once again rise and stand in support of myself

I believe in forgiveness

I believe in saying I believe it over and over and over again.

….until I have convinced myself

That I deserve forgiveness

129 Days to go.

© Randi Sumner

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