The good news? My laptop works again.
The bad news? I’ve been distracting myself for hours from this evil white empty page.
Creating distractions doesn’t make it go away. Forming thoughts, words, sentences – that’s what helps.
I’ve always felt I was a better editor than a writer. Give me a draft and I can clean it up. I give sketch ideas and thoughts form. I feel comfortable in my skill to take something that is rough and smooth it out.
I’ve surely written my fair share of poetry and prose over the years. However, I will not go so far as to say any of it was quality goods. If it was, I would have assuredly saved it rather than allowing it to be lost across time and space.
This challenge to document some piece of my daily internal tempest is not simple nor is it easy. It is creating a level of angst while leading to late nights and less sleep. And yet, in my gut, I know it is already helping me even as it adds to my struggle.
It is leading me toward that undefined goal of getting somewhere.
It is not easy to map a journey when the destination lacks clarity. Yes, my tangible goal is one year of daily writing. Alongside, this road to 50 is a stronger and quite intangible objective.
I am not lost, but I have also not found what I am searching for inside myself.
These words are my road. These thoughts my journey. I will keep writing and searching for those yellow bricks. I believe in my heart that I will find them so long as I don’t give up. So long as I keep pushing these letters to form concepts. To grow and change as I type them until they become strong enough and clear enough that they are solid. Tangible. Something upon which to build a foundation.
349 Days to go.